not sure why i originally thought i was choosing the name nelee
it sounded nice

but when i was a kid
possibly the girliest character on tv was Nellie Oleson from Little House on the Prairie
she was mean, and often dumb, but she was unmistakably a girl

and she was a woman who advocated for herself in the nineteenth century, for what that's worth
and in the 70's that made her the villain, along with the jealousy, and backstabbing, and snobbery
driven by fear

landing face down in the deepest mud puddle, which back then would have been largely composed of horseshit
and getting back up and cleaning herself off and trying again
to be the baddest bitch in Walnut Grove
the biggest fish in a very small pond

she talked a lot about New York City, but she would have been too young to have really remembered much
it was more of an idea to her
the idea of better, things can be better than this

blind to the beauty around her
because she wanted more
greedy lying hateful
human